Heatherina

Therapy

I’ve been away from the internet for a few days. Great for my problem with online retail-therapy, not so good for my emotional well-being. I always knew that my need for the internet was strongly connected to my fears of being alone and my feelings of helplessness, loneliness, and cabin-fever since I’ve been sick. But I never understood this blog and what it means to me. Initially, when I started, it was a quick and easy way for me to update everyone without having to actually talk to anyone. Those who know me well know of my aversion to talking on the phone and having the same conversation 20 times over was just not something I could handle. Especially in the beginning when it was all bad news. So really, this was sort of like cheating, an easy way to keep people informed and keep me out of it. Since then, and up until very recently, I always viewed this blog as something for everyone else. In fact, I keep my own journal with more personal thoughts and feelings that I wouldn’t feel comfortable posting to the internet. So, I assumed that a few days without blogging would almost be a relief. It isn’t until I was without my computer that I realized that this is not only a form of therapy for me, but a connection to the outside world. Somehow, by typing up the everyday details and trivialities, by expressing my opinions and greivances, I help myself through it. But, it’s not just the writing, it’s the knowledge that what I’m writing is being read. Even by one person. It may not be a real human connection, but it is a connection in and of itself, and that is a comfort that my journal can’t give me. So, I’m back to blog it out again. And who knows where we’ll end up on this journey…