Heatherina

Chemo brain

I’ve been meaning to write about this for sometime… but I keep forgetting.

Months ago, before I was even diagnosed, after my first biopsy, I started doing cancer research. Initially, doctors thought I may have lymphoma; so much of my research was into that. However, I did a lot of basic cancer research as well. One of the side effects I kept coming across was a phenomenon called “chemo brain.”

Chemo brain is technically referred to as “mild cognitive impairment” and is defined by the Mayo clinic as “the loss of the ability to remember certain things, learn new skills and complete certain tasks.” The most common symptoms are difficulties with short-term memory, multi-tasking, concentrating, and finding the right words.

It is unknown what causes chemo brain, and therefore there is no real way to treat it, although, for me it isn’t enough to really impair my everyday life. Mine, however, I am sure is linked to the actual chemo drugs, because the fogginess increases tremendously during treatment and in the few days following. As time progresses, my mind clears and I have an easier time focusing my thoughts again.

In my case, I have always had trouble with my short-term memory. Perhaps I think too much. But I tend to start things and forget about them, only to discover them later and finally finish them. For instance, I enjoy knitting occasionally. However, I tend to get distracted from it and sometimes I’ll reach into my knitting bag and find a ball of yarn or half a scarf that I’d completely forgotten about. It has definitely gotten worse during the course of chemo, however. My apartment is covered in post-its to help me remember what I was doing, ideas I have, and what needs to be done. I used to keep all my necessary information in notebooks, but lately I have a tendency to misplace them. Since I can just stick the post-its all over the house, it is much easier to keep track of everything. Probably the most annoying part of this for my roommates is that I make grocery lists with meals planned out in my head, and then I forget what I was going to make or what we have in the fridge, which leads to a lot of “Eww… what was that?” as we’re cleaning out something so moldy and rotted that it doesn’t even resemble a food product anymore. I’m sure there’s some sort of penicillin growing in my fridge right now… (If only I could remember…)

I also CAN NOT multi-task. Period. Tied into that is my inability to concentrate. If I am cooking, I have to stay in the kitchen or I will forget that I’m cooking. My boyfriend loves to play computer games while watching a movie or TV; if I even look at a computer screen during a movie, I will become completely distracted and lose track of what’s happening. I’m constantly rewinding movies because I am so easily distracted. Fortunately, my boyfriend has already seen the majority of movies that we watch together, so it doesn’t annoy him too terribly that I need constant updates and recaps. Even now, this is a distraction from a distraction. I was watching “Dead Poet Society” and then I got hungry, so I made food. And as I was making it I realized I should order that knife sharpener I’ve been looking at because the knife I’m cutting with is dull. And then I realized it’s been awhile since I updated my blog. Only a few minutes ago did I look up at the TV to realize that the movie was still paused on the screen. I also need to mute the TV whenever someone is talking or the phone rings. Most people talk while watching TV, but I have to choose one or the other. I can manage to pay attention to both for about ten minutes and then I’m usually confused and I’ve moved on to something completely unrelated.

Speaking of which, I just got distracted from writing this for about an hour by a game I was playing. I guess that just proves my point. Now it’s time to cook dinner, so I should shut down my computer so that I’m not distracted.

Oh- and just as a side note (which I keep forgetting- blame it on the chemo brain), while she always enjoys getting feedback, my mom doesn’t read my blog. She has several different reasons why; the main one being that she doesn’t need to because she gets first-hand updates from me. So don’t be surprised if you comment to her about something from my blog and she has no idea what you’re talking about.