Heatherina

The joys of being a sick person

Ugh. You just can’t be sunny everyday. And today I am certainly miserable. It is just thoroughly annoying sometimes to be sick. And today I was too sick to make it to the doctor. That’s some sort of irony isn’t it? I’m fairly certain that I need a blood transfusion. I have been exceptionally weak and tired for the past few days. It’s amazing how even now it is easy to talk myself out of things. Monday when I was too tired to even get out of bed and could barely open my eyes, I chalked it up to just being tired from having too much stimulation on Sunday. Even in the morning yesterday when I was too weak to stand on my own I decided maybe I just needed more sleep. By yesterday afternoon though I stopped and told myself, hey, you’re a sick person, you probably need care. I think all the exhaustion is probably from a need of either hemoglobin or platelets. Luckily, I already had an appointment to check my levels today. But this morning I was having one of my “spells” and I just couldn’t get out of it in time to make it to the appointment. Lately I’ve been having these “spells” when I overexert myself. If I am standing for too long or walking too much or even if I get too into cooking, I get these dizzy spells where I overheat and feel faint. If I can lay down and cool off immediately, I’m alright. If not, I usually end up throwing up and then needing a nap.

So, this morning, everytime I started to go down the steps of my apartment, I started to have a “spell.” And with my new ultra-sensitivity to motion, we decided there was just no way we were going to be able to get to the Upper East Side without me being sick at some point along the way. So we decided that it was better just to rest and the doctor agreed and rescheduled for tomorrow.

It’s just really ANNOYING. It’s not enough that I don’t have a life because I’m too weak to go anywhere, but now I can’t even get to where I NEED to go. It’s enough to make me want to scream! I usually don’t let the little things bother me but today I just feel like I’m devoting my life to a disease, which let’s be honest, I am. However, I am just not in the mood to be all warrior-like today and face this head-on and make it better. It is definitely one of those days when I want to curl up in the fetal position and whine to my mother all day. So there you go. I want everyone to know that there is another side to me and I do get very frustrated. And today I could just pull my hair out (fortunately I have many beautiful head scarves to cover any bald patches!).

So, now I’m going to go eat my left-over stir-fry, curl up with my favorite blanket and watch a movie so I can get over myself. Grrr…